End of summer

I was vaccuming the kitchen rug as the crash hit my brain........."your summer is officially over!" I have planned for this summer for so long and now it is done- This is it! no more...........now it is back to work and SCHOOL~but then after the negativity waned, I reflected. What a great summer.

It started when I immediately got in the car on Saturday after school was out in May. My husband took me to a dream, yes a dream. Star Wars in Concert It was so well produced, laserbeams, full orchestra from London, lightsabers, original costumes and foot long hotdogs! I was in my element. There were photo ops everywhere, Chewbacca encased in a large glass box, the back drop to Luke's 2 sun sunset of Tantooine, My master, Yoda. Lines were every where to get your picture taken with these historic figures. Kelly and I figured it out. I would swoop in while pepole were shuffling to be next in line- take the picture of me and Yoda, and then move on to the next one instantly- stick and move, stick and move. I do want to tell you that I was not dressed up in the Princess Leia costumes- there were some freaky deakies there.................The music was overwhelming. They opened with the Dolby surround sound "drop" just like at the theaters. This is live remind you-and we were in the front row. I kept pinching myself and Kelly realizing that people were playing this right now- no CD! I cried when they played the finale song from the original Star Wars. And couldn't breathe when they played the encore of the Empire theme, it was so ahhhhhhhh! Lucas dreamed up this concept and it was a winner. Giant screens of all the movies and audio as the orchestra plays the music that fits. And the narrator........C3PO himself, Sir Anthony Daniels- in a little gold vest and a black suit :) It was great and only the first weekend of my summer of 2010! It was definitely bucket list material.

Corn and tomatoes,
Corn and tomatoes.
There's nothing I like better
Than corn and tomatoes!!!

It is count down to the beach. Clothes are out....please remember that all you wear is your bathing suit and you don't need 3 pairs of jeans!!!! Have you ever walked into a place and felt in your soul that you have been there before, and I am not talking last year's vacation. That in some juju way this is home? that is how I feel when I walk up for the first moment I get on the sand and look at the Atlantic ocean. My brain stops thinking, My heart calms, my lungs open and I say to God, thanks for welcoming me home. I know what my heaven will be.

The beach started for me when I was 3- that was 40 years ago and it continues on Friday. Meeting my cousins the Clifton family at Summer Song house in Long Beach has moved to South Carolina. The easy drawl of the people suck me in immediatey. Early morning shelling and the grand search for sand dollars, elaborate sand castles, sea urchins, shark boiling....peeyew! Lobster man and net man, chewing tobacco, fishing poles, popsicles and peanut butter sandwiches with sand...........guitar music on the porch. Talent show, Rinso Blue, God dammit Dotsy, the pier and all the tricks and gadgets we would find. The memories go on and on..... and somewhere deep in my former lives I continue to add to them. My beach badge of honor is not how tan or how many shells I can collect.............it is how long can I keep the sand in my purse after I am back in Kansas-

Spring

I smelled honeysuckle today......Spring has sprung people. And we all have a bounce in our step. I took the dogs on a walk in a secret place. It's a beautiful place by pine trees and close to the river. While I was walking in the field, I kept hearing this sound like a bowl of rice crispies. I couldn't figure it out so I stopped under a tree to listen. The sun was shining, it was warm... It was the sound of pine cones opening and flinging its seeds. Have you ever heard pinecones open. I was blessed. I kept walking and then I heard the little cricket frogs that just developed. It was a listening walk.

Today I made asparagus risotto with shrimp and morel mushrooms. It truly was one of the most divine things I have put in my mouth. It takes an hour to make and stir. Risotto is therapy. Add some broth, stir until its gone, Add some broth, stir until its gone...........again and again. I used some dried morels my daddy had purchased for me. They are so expensive, I only used a few. I put on Hootie and the Blowfish on the ipod, poured a glass of Monte de Oro Syrah and started stirring. Spring is great...........it's proof that you lived through all the shit of winter.

A good mother

I took a walk this morning in the cemetary. This song was playing on my ipod. It caught me off guard and I sat down and cried on Mr. Finley's grave. I got a letter in the mail today.....Thanks, mommy. How blessed I am to have you.

Good Mother by Jann Arden

I've got money in my pocket,
I like the color of my hair.
I've got a friend who loves me,
Got a house, I've got a car.
I've got a good mother,
and her voice is what keeps me here.
Feet on ground, Heart in hand, Facing forward, Be yourself.

I've never wanted anything.
No I've, no I've,
I've never wanted anything, so bad..(so bad).

Cardboard masks of all the people I've been
Thrown out, with all the rusted, tangled dented God Damned miseries!!
You could say I'm hard to hold,
But if you knew me you'd know,
I've got a good father,
And his strength is what makes me cry.
Feet on ground, Heart in hand, Facing forward, Be yourself.

I've never wanted anything,
No I've, no I've,
I've never wanted anything so bad..(so bad).

I've got money in my pockets,
I like the color of my hair.
I've got a friend who loves me,
Got a house,
I've got a car.
I've got a good mother, and her voice is what keeps me here.
Feet on ground, Heart in hand, Facing forward,Be yourself.
Heart in hand, Feet on ground, Facing forward, Be yourself.
just be yourself. just be yourself.
Feet on ground, Heart in hand, Feet on ground, Heart in hand....

Time

The whole the reason I am this skinny girl can give credit to my genetics. If you saw my beautiful mother and many of you do, you will notice her leaness. My father, also slim, my Nana had gams, baby. So I can be considered blessed that in my inherent make up we are slim, long and do not have the pearshaped, donut butt. We have no butt or breasts for that matter, however it makes it easier to sit on an airplane. But another reason that I am skinny today- 108 pounds as of now - I have cystic fibrosis. CF is a genetic disease that must be passed on through carrier genes from both the father and the mother. My brother, same parents, does not have the disease, nor do his children. They could all be carriers, but we don't know. CF makes the mucus in my lungs sticky and gluey. I have to spend time getting the bad stuff out of my lungs.

My time with CF involves a lot of breathing treatments. Sometimes I wish I was an astronaut that has a back pack breathing apparatus that I can walk around and do stuff but breathe my medicine. But usually I am just on the couch. Here is a break down of my time in the AM:

6:00-6:09 Brovana in nebulizer
6:10-6:23 DNase in neb

6:25-7:00 Mucomist in neb- smells like rotten eggs and is a lovely fragrance to wake up too :)

Then in the PM - I do the Brovana again- and now we are thinking of adding another. Weigh the time issue- dead in your bed or clean lungs and 2 hours a day of treatments. That thought is getting easier for me all the time.

This disease takes time. A lot of time. I don't give it enough time, sometimes I give it too much time. I am seeking that balance of time. But we all are fighting time in our own lives. My schedule is crazy, but I still have time to have wine with a friend or two. Whenever I am thinking- "Oh I don't have time to get it all done" I stop and think of growing up and hearing....."Tomorrow is another day, Scarlett". My mother would say this quote from Gone With the Wind. I may not have finished my room, a project, my Barbie town.....but she would let me know that yes, it would all be here tomorrow and I could work on it then. Two things- she gave me a tomorrow and she let me finish. I love my mom for that.

40 years later, Scarlett is still around. Today and yes, tomorrow. I work. I play. I read. I cook. I watch. I listen. I talk. ~and whatever it is, does not get done- I will be here tomorrow to finish.

Silence

Silence is not something I experience much in my life right now. As a kindergarten teacher, we don't have many quiet times, then working at a school- there is always something going on outside my hall. Same goes for home. It is not often that I come home and the house is completely quiet. TV or radio is left on for the dog or husband :) In my car ESPN radio is talking incessently. When I wake up in the morning my head starts to talk. Instant pictures flash through my brain, like digital images downloading on a computer. What am I going to think about today it flashes? Obviously a lot. Skinny girls have big fat thoughts.

Silence is hard. I try to sit in silence sometime in my day. I can't do it. That crazy chick in my head is always talking. The most silent lately has been the Sunday morning snow. It just softened our air, our town. Silence is for watching. Last night in the Olympics I watched the skiers on the top of the mountain. For the first time in a long time I could see what skiers liked. Minus all the cow bells for competion, skiing would be a place of silence. Soft snow high mountains, no talking. I experienced it once- in Jr. high- on a little bunny slope- I could not ski- but I found a place I could go around and around- in silence, by myself.

This season of Lent I have checked the d365.org website for a daily devotion. I love it- I look at it first thing everyday. It has soothing music, scripture, life connections and a prayer to send me off to my day. This year I did not give up Coke or chocolate for lent, but instead I am cultivating a habit.... Listening. I am not a good listener. I want to share my side. Be in control of the conversation and how it flows. But I know that Jesus listened and maybe I could be better. Listening takes practice. We are even practicing in Kindergarten so I get it there too.

So if you see me- and hopefully you do, I want to listen to you. What do you listen for? Questions? Emotions, Ideas. That is the fun of listening I guess. When you listen you learn. about people and the world. - and the scariest of all yourself.