Tuesday, March 30, 2010


I smelled honeysuckle today......Spring has sprung people. And we all have a bounce in our step. I took the dogs on a walk in a secret place. It's a beautiful place by pine trees and close to the river. While I was walking in the field, I kept hearing this sound like a bowl of rice crispies. I couldn't figure it out so I stopped under a tree to listen. The sun was shining, it was warm... It was the sound of pine cones opening and flinging its seeds. Have you ever heard pinecones open. I was blessed. I kept walking and then I heard the little cricket frogs that just developed. It was a listening walk.
Today I made asparagus risotto with shrimp and morel mushrooms. It truly was one of the most divine things I have put in my mouth. It takes an hour to make and stir. Risotto is therapy. Add some broth, stir until its gone, Add some broth, stir until its gone...........again and again. I used some dried morels my daddy had purchased for me. They are so expensive, I only used a few. I put on Hootie and the Blowfish on the ipod, poured a glass of Monte de Oro Syrah and started stirring. Spring is great...........it's proof that you lived through all the shit of winter.

Saturday, March 6, 2010

A good mother

I took a walk this morning in the cemetary. This song was playing on my ipod. It caught me off guard and I sat down and cried on Mr. Finley's grave. I got a letter in the mail today.....Thanks, mommy. How blessed I am to have you.

Good Mother by Jann Arden

I've got money in my pocket,

I like the color of my hair.
I've got a friend who loves me,
Got a house, I've got a car.
I've got a good mother,
and her voice is what keeps me here.
Feet on ground, Heart in hand, Facing forward, Be yourself.

I've never wanted anything.
No I've, no I've,
I've never wanted anything, so bad..(so bad).

Cardboard masks of all the people I've been
Thrown out, with all the rusted, tangled dented God Damned miseries!!
You could say I'm hard to hold,
But if you knew me you'd know,
I've got a good father,
And his strength is what makes me cry.
Feet on ground, Heart in hand, Facing forward, Be yourself.

I've never wanted anything,
No I've, no I've,
I've never wanted anything so bad..(so bad).

I've got money in my pockets,
I like the color of my hair.
I've got a friend who loves me,
Got a house,
I've got a car.
I've got a good mother, and her voice is what keeps me here.
Feet on ground, Heart in hand, Facing forward,Be yourself.
Heart in hand, Feet on ground, Facing forward, Be yourself.
just be yourself. just be yourself.
Feet on ground, Heart in hand, Feet on ground, Heart in hand....

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


The whole the reason I am this skinny girl can give credit to my genetics. If you saw my beautiful mother and many of you do, you will notice her leaness. My father, also slim, my Nana had gams, baby. So I can be considered blessed that in my inherent make up we are slim, long and do not have the pearshaped, donut butt. We have no butt or breasts for that matter, however it makes it easier to sit on an airplane. But another reason that I am skinny today- 108 pounds as of now - I have cystic fibrosis. CF is a genetic disease that must be passed on through carrier genes from both the father and the mother. My brother, same parents, does not have the disease, nor do his children. They could all be carriers, but we don't know. CF makes the mucus in my lungs sticky and gluey. I have to spend time getting the bad stuff out of my lungs.
My time with CF involves a lot of breathing treatments. Sometimes I wish I was an astronaut that has a back pack breathing apparatus that I can walk around and do stuff but breathe my medicine. But usually I am just on the couch. Here is a break down of my time in the AM:
6:00-6:09 Brovana in nebulizer
6:10-6:23 DNase in neb
6:25-7:00 Mucomist in neb- smells like rotten eggs and is a lovely fragrance to wake up too :)
Then in the PM - I do the Brovana again- and now we are thinking of adding another. Weigh the time issue- dead in your bed or clean lungs and 2 hours a day of treatments. That thought is getting easier for me all the time.

This disease takes time. A lot of time. I don't give it enough time, sometimes I give it too much time. I am seeking that balance of time. But we all are fighting time in our own lives. My schedule is crazy, but I still have time to have wine with a friend or two. Whenever I am thinking- "Oh I don't have time to get it all done" I stop and think of growing up and hearing....."Tomorrow is another day, Scarlett". My mother would say this quote from Gone With the Wind. I may not have finished my room, a project, my Barbie town.....but she would let me know that yes, it would all be here tomorrow and I could work on it then. Two things- she gave me a tomorrow and she let me finish. I love my mom for that.

40 years later, Scarlett is still around. Today and yes, tomorrow. I work. I play. I read. I cook. I watch. I listen. I talk. ~and whatever it is, does not get done- I will be here tomorrow to finish.