Sunday, November 20, 2011

Notspa restaurant update

I learned that you have to choose your breakfast or it is automatic...........I called in biscuits and gravy- big fluffy biscuits and super-charged flovor in sausage gravy!!!  and the best personal pan pizza I ever had,  really-  except the ones I cook-  hot melty cheese crispy on the edges.  lightly browned crust and good sauce!

home on tuesday!!!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Foodie at the notspa.......

Here I am at the notspa.........yes, still incarcerated at the hospital.  Same story, day 8.  Love my doctor for being conservative, but Come On Man!  I want to go home.  I have been watching hours of the Chew, food Network and even a few reruns of Julia Child- laugh out loud.......But what is the fun of watching food shows if you can't go try what you just watched?  I want to get flour all over my kitchen floor and sauce on my ceiling.  Hubby is amazed at the one man wrecking crew I can create in a kitchen.  what I would not love to be Mario Batalli and have 15 "Sue" chefs cleaning up after me!

so let's talk about Hospital food.  The former food boss of the Salina Country Club is now in charge of the hospital kitchen and I have to say- the food is good.  I love the moist and gooey chocolate cake-the best. And being kansas skinny girl I eat one with every meal and they weigh me AFTER  I eat! Naahaa!
being here 8 days, I have completely circulated through the main menu.
Breakfast, breakfast is bad, tasteless scrambled eggs and oatmeal not from Ireland- but I have not invested a lot of time in my breakfast choices-  My best- a coke with pellet ice, cashews and a Russel Stover chocolate at 5:00AM.
But, fear not, lunch and dinner have been tasty.  Hot turkey sandwiches with gravy over white bread and mashed potatoes-  It had flavor! Goulash like elementary school, a cool chicken salad on croissant, chunky chicken noodle soup, Beef and noodles,  Chicken and noodles, meatloaf and from the menu of our country club.....the double bogie.  ~An open face steak sandwich on garlic toast with  battered onion rings.  That is not your typical jello and soup meal.
I miss my heavy hand with garlic- beware you Twighlight fans.........I miss my organic Hawaiian sea salt.  I miss Watkins beef stock.  But if you ever need a Grandma, I just want Kansas soul food- come to the hospital cafeteria.  There is something healing in noodles.........
I have had carry out.  Sonic makes the best chocolate milkshakes!  I got a Chipotle burrito, laCasita enchiladas, Carolina BBQ and Marcia bear's homemade chili.  I got 100 pumpkin balls with whipped cream that I finally turned over to the nurses, cookies, chocolates, cheeze-its.
Food is healing, familiar, personal.  Food is my stress reliver, especially when I cook it.  choppin broccoli.......being here so long is stressful, but at least I can enjoy the meal- even when I eat dinner at 5:02pm.  Maybe that means I get to eat twice!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Trust

Up not as early...... looking forward to no bubbles today..........The kind people of the night did not wake me up so early today.  :)  per doctor's orders..........
Being stuck in a small room, thank God for the window, it has made me think of so many things.  What is trust?  I trust that you will finish that homework assignment,  I trust you will pick up the cleaning, I trust you will tell so and so to come by at 5, I trust that my new car will work and has gas in it.  Those trusts are more like expectations.  I trust/expect that my lights will turn on and my refridgerator is working.  I trust/expect that when I send a letter it will get through our Postal Service.
But the kind of trust that you have to hang on the edge and you have no control over, is the trust I am talking about.  I trust that God is hearing our prayers and will seal up this lung.  I trust my Dr. knows everything and chooses the best care for me.  I trust that my nurses know what they are doing.  I trust that I will get better and go back to work.  When you are in relationships you have to put out that kind of trust.  The kind that if it doesn't work, you will be hurt and singed and it will be hard to get over.  Life has expectations and it has trust.  Trust takes guts.  It takes the conversations with yourself  "should I give over to that possibility?" But when it works and you have that trust, it is all so worth the worry.  That complete and peaceful feeling that yeah, I trust in you or I trust in that and I feel safe.  That's what I have with my husband, my mother, Dr. B and all the rest of my friends and family that have come to me in my hour of incarceration. 

Thursday, November 17, 2011

be spontaneous?

Still here...........in the movable hospital bed, with my own flannel sheets, zebra blanket, snoopy (my travel assistant for 40 years), everything in my bathroom from home, one pair of UGGS, notebooks, paper, pens, magazines, lotions sea salt spray, treats, cardigan sweater, robe, 5 pairs of pajamas, neck roll pillow, Cokes, socks, Harry Potter t-shirt, perfume, my chiropractor, and massage therapist have been here...............Just like the movie the Quiet Man..........I need my things around me- since I may be here a while.........
Dr. B says I look mahhhvulous...........

Slow leak in my tire.........pppffffsssssttttttttt................
tiny tear in my left upper lobe that is slow to close
Sick, wet tissue paper Cystic Fibrosis lungs
spontaneous pnuemothorax
that means your lung all of a sudden pops and then collapses
This is the third time it has happend to me-3..........

Is this the new every 4 year, slow your ass down plan?  We don't know. Do I feel bad? no,I feel really good and strong this time- except I have a 6 foot tube tied into my chest.  Which give me the heebie jeebies.  I about freaked my darling husband out when I thought I accidentally pulled it.- it was fine, but he got out of the room really fast just in case of emergency :)  My, baboo..........

but this "spontaneous" part of this lung issue puts me in a spin.........I am not spontaneous,  unless it is a teachable moment.......I plan my attack, my recipes, my shopping, what I am wearing the next day, what errands I am running, lesson plans, vacations, retirement, parties---they are all planned ahead.  I try to be romantic and spontaneous but even that is hard.  I am a woman of tradition and doing it the way my mother, aunts and grandmother did it---SPONTANEOUS PNUEMOTHORAX IS NOT MY TRADITION! AAARRRRGGGGGG  (picture Kermit the Frog yelling that). I like that order, I love that TV shows are on the same time each week,  I love that classrooom "oh  we have to go to lunch at 11:46 feeling"-  there is comfort in knowing ahead. Write it on the list and then cross it off!!
 -  but there is adreneline in being spontaneous...............
maybe spontaneous is a good mixture, maybe this is the universe saying- Well "Miss plan-all-out",  it doesn't always work that way, but maybe I shouldn't hate the spontaneous-  maybe I should take a different route, go out to eat just because, call a friend you haven't in a long time, try not to control and plan it every second. do something that is not on my list........................but maybe,  hhmmmmm, I should look at a different list,  maybe I should get out that bucket list...............

Sunday, November 13, 2011

I am not at the spa

Sometimes it is nice to get away.  From work, from laundry, from bills, from it all.  It may just take an evening in the bubble bath with a glass of wine.  Sometimes you can go to the spa at Aveda.  Well I am not at the goddam spa..............I am at the hospital.  Friday 11-11-11 at 11:11am, weighing 111pounds I checked in with slightly deflated left lung.  Talk about deflated, that is how I felt, knowing what is ahead. This is the third time this has happened to me.  Good news bad news...........good news I am educated in my care, bad news  I HAVE NO CONTROL!  someone takes me to the bathroom, helps me shower, makes my dinner, gives me my pills, gives me my breathing treatment in the wrong order and I have to ask for a Coke.  Being fiercely independent this part is a kick in my gut and a lesson in patience.  but what this moment has given me also is a moment to stop and think about when I am so bossy and I control my environment so craftly, how do the other people and kiddos feel when I do?  do I need to give them more choices?  do I need to not do so much?  Thinking about it from the other side..........after a 2 am morphine shot.

The health report...........My left lung has a small leak.  Bubbles are not good when you have a leak in your lung.  I am hooked up to a litlle vacuum on the wall. It goes everywhere I go- I named it Argyle...  It keeps my lung inflated.  But it shows a little bubble.
Bubbles are bad when you are on a vacuum.  I am on IV antibiotics and steriods.  I will be on the mend and strong in a few weeks.  but pray for patience, for me, for Kelly, for my parents...........

watch for the hospital foodie update.....................