be spontaneous?

Still here...........in the movable hospital bed, with my own flannel sheets, zebra blanket, snoopy (my travel assistant for 40 years), everything in my bathroom from home, one pair of UGGS, notebooks, paper, pens, magazines, lotions sea salt spray, treats, cardigan sweater, robe, 5 pairs of pajamas, neck roll pillow, Cokes, socks, Harry Potter t-shirt, perfume, my chiropractor, and massage therapist have been here...............Just like the movie the Quiet Man..........I need my things around me- since I may be here a while.........
Dr. B says I look mahhhvulous...........

Slow leak in my tire.........pppffffsssssttttttttt................
tiny tear in my left upper lobe that is slow to close
Sick, wet tissue paper Cystic Fibrosis lungs
spontaneous pnuemothorax
that means your lung all of a sudden pops and then collapses
This is the third time it has happend to me-3..........

Is this the new every 4 year, slow your ass down plan?  We don't know. Do I feel bad? no,I feel really good and strong this time- except I have a 6 foot tube tied into my chest.  Which give me the heebie jeebies.  I about freaked my darling husband out when I thought I accidentally pulled it.- it was fine, but he got out of the room really fast just in case of emergency :)  My, baboo..........

but this "spontaneous" part of this lung issue puts me in a spin.........I am not spontaneous,  unless it is a teachable moment.......I plan my attack, my recipes, my shopping, what I am wearing the next day, what errands I am running, lesson plans, vacations, retirement, parties---they are all planned ahead.  I try to be romantic and spontaneous but even that is hard.  I am a woman of tradition and doing it the way my mother, aunts and grandmother did it---SPONTANEOUS PNUEMOTHORAX IS NOT MY TRADITION! AAARRRRGGGGGG  (picture Kermit the Frog yelling that). I like that order, I love that TV shows are on the same time each week,  I love that classrooom "oh  we have to go to lunch at 11:46 feeling"-  there is comfort in knowing ahead. Write it on the list and then cross it off!!
 -  but there is adreneline in being spontaneous...............
maybe spontaneous is a good mixture, maybe this is the universe saying- Well "Miss plan-all-out",  it doesn't always work that way, but maybe I shouldn't hate the spontaneous-  maybe I should take a different route, go out to eat just because, call a friend you haven't in a long time, try not to control and plan it every second. do something that is not on my list........................but maybe,  hhmmmmm, I should look at a different list,  maybe I should get out that bucket list...............