Saturday, February 27, 2010


Silence is not something I experience much in my life right now. As a kindergarten teacher, we don't have many quiet times, then working at a school- there is always something going on outside my hall. Same goes for home. It is not often that I come home and the house is completely quiet. TV or radio is left on for the dog or husband :) In my car ESPN radio is talking incessently. When I wake up in the morning my head starts to talk. Instant pictures flash through my brain, like digital images downloading on a computer. What am I going to think about today it flashes? Obviously a lot. Skinny girls have big fat thoughts.

Silence is hard. I try to sit in silence sometime in my day. I can't do it. That crazy chick in my head is always talking. The most silent lately has been the Sunday morning snow. It just softened our air, our town. Silence is for watching. Last night in the Olympics I watched the skiers on the top of the mountain. For the first time in a long time I could see what skiers liked. Minus all the cow bells for competion, skiing would be a place of silence. Soft snow high mountains, no talking. I experienced it once- in Jr. high- on a little bunny slope- I could not ski- but I found a place I could go around and around- in silence, by myself.

This season of Lent I have checked the website for a daily devotion. I love it- I look at it first thing everyday. It has soothing music, scripture, life connections and a prayer to send me off to my day. This year I did not give up Coke or chocolate for lent, but instead I am cultivating a habit.... Listening. I am not a good listener. I want to share my side. Be in control of the conversation and how it flows. But I know that Jesus listened and maybe I could be better. Listening takes practice. We are even practicing in Kindergarten so I get it there too.

So if you see me- and hopefully you do, I want to listen to you. What do you listen for? Questions? Emotions, Ideas. That is the fun of listening I guess. When you listen you learn. about people and the world. - and the scariest of all yourself.

Friday, February 26, 2010


Last night I woke up with such a start in pure unadulterated fear. That feeling of scared that you are not where you should be and it's time for fight or flight. My fists were clenched and I came out swinging.............I really am not sure the reason for the fear, a dream, bad TV, a margarita at 4pm. but it got this little skinny girl thinking big heavy thoughts.... What is scared? Is it loss of something, change of something, too much of something? So why are we not scared all of the bloomin'n time? Everything we do, Involves changing or not changing.........What makes us go on when we are scared?

That initial reaction of fear is adreneline. Heart pumping- Fists up, roll over, survey your surroundings. Next is think- what is this really about. Am I in physical I was in my bed. After I knew I was OK, I said to myself- hey you are a fighter. Heart slows and now you can think- what just happened? Fixer me says, How do I fix this? -Think

But it is the human thinking part that is so amazing. Every single one of us is scared sometimes- You know our President is scared sometimes, my mom is scared sometimes. Sometimes it is for ourselves, but most of times we are scared for people we love.

In our family we say education is key. If you can't find the answers you need, go out into the big world and find someone that can help you find the answers. Sitting in your bed are missing so much. Maybe because I am not still in my bed I will notice the little daffodils trying to poke up on the side of the house today.................

There is nothing to fear but fear itself............

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Skinny start up

I woke up in the middle of the night..........grabbed a sticky pad and accidentally wrote on the back. I decided there had to be a better way to get my thoughts down. The new era of Blogging- so what to write about...........what is in my head- Three thoughts- skinny body, food and I hate to exercise.

SKINNY GIRL.......... that is what I think about- chicken legs and baby waist, my pants don't fit, body image is down the tubes, wrinkly skin, did you know that a 43 year old can have droopy knees? I am not comfortable in my clothes. Does this sound familiar, ladies? Yes- I have the same thoughts as you, but opposite of too heavy, too fat, too chunky- I am too thin. And what to do about it.........

"Don't you eat?" they say, "Have another helping" they say, "You are so thin" they say, You can have some of mine" they say.

My doctor says I am wired for husband agrees. He has seen me eat, and cook, and eat and eat. There is not time in my day to eat enough to make me fat. I burn too much energy- I am expensive. We buy in bulk.

But what they don't know is that this girl eats. This skinny girl is a FOODIE! I rock the kitchen with gourmet, soul-sending, eye-ball rolling food. And that may be on a Monday night. Sunday morning breakfast was fresh bread dough into a pizza with bacon, cheese and an egg on top-Happy tummies while the snow fell down again. Dinner for two -Marinated steak with baby bellas sauted with onions and fresh thyme. I don't know how but I still have fresh herbs in my garden.

Most of all I don't cook with recipes. I will get into that later. Just know, I love the ingredients, I love food, I love to cook and I love to cook for my family.

But the thing I hate is exercise. Don't have to do it to lose weight- just the opposite. I should exercise to live. I am tired when I get home, sore, busy, but most of all I am not genetically coded to go out and sweat and pump it up. Probably because I can't breathe when I do. I would rather clean a bathroom then go out and exercise. Just go take a walk, run the dogs, go up and down the stairs. Why is walking so hard? Right now it is the weather. Spring days do make it easier. Someone needs to get that groundhog.................