Trust

Up not as early...... looking forward to no bubbles today..........The kind people of the night did not wake me up so early today.  :)  per doctor's orders..........
Being stuck in a small room, thank God for the window, it has made me think of so many things.  What is trust?  I trust that you will finish that homework assignment,  I trust you will pick up the cleaning, I trust you will tell so and so to come by at 5, I trust that my new car will work and has gas in it.  Those trusts are more like expectations.  I trust/expect that my lights will turn on and my refridgerator is working.  I trust/expect that when I send a letter it will get through our Postal Service.
But the kind of trust that you have to hang on the edge and you have no control over, is the trust I am talking about.  I trust that God is hearing our prayers and will seal up this lung.  I trust my Dr. knows everything and chooses the best care for me.  I trust that my nurses know what they are doing.  I trust that I will get better and go back to work.  When you are in relationships you have to put out that kind of trust.  The kind that if it doesn't work, you will be hurt and singed and it will be hard to get over.  Life has expectations and it has trust.  Trust takes guts.  It takes the conversations with yourself  "should I give over to that possibility?" But when it works and you have that trust, it is all so worth the worry.  That complete and peaceful feeling that yeah, I trust in you or I trust in that and I feel safe.  That's what I have with my husband, my mother, Dr. B and all the rest of my friends and family that have come to me in my hour of incarceration. 

be spontaneous?

Still here...........in the movable hospital bed, with my own flannel sheets, zebra blanket, snoopy (my travel assistant for 40 years), everything in my bathroom from home, one pair of UGGS, notebooks, paper, pens, magazines, lotions sea salt spray, treats, cardigan sweater, robe, 5 pairs of pajamas, neck roll pillow, Cokes, socks, Harry Potter t-shirt, perfume, my chiropractor, and massage therapist have been here...............Just like the movie the Quiet Man..........I need my things around me- since I may be here a while.........
Dr. B says I look mahhhvulous...........

Slow leak in my tire.........pppffffsssssttttttttt................
tiny tear in my left upper lobe that is slow to close
Sick, wet tissue paper Cystic Fibrosis lungs
spontaneous pnuemothorax
that means your lung all of a sudden pops and then collapses
This is the third time it has happend to me-3..........

Is this the new every 4 year, slow your ass down plan?  We don't know. Do I feel bad? no,I feel really good and strong this time- except I have a 6 foot tube tied into my chest.  Which give me the heebie jeebies.  I about freaked my darling husband out when I thought I accidentally pulled it.- it was fine, but he got out of the room really fast just in case of emergency :)  My, baboo..........

but this "spontaneous" part of this lung issue puts me in a spin.........I am not spontaneous,  unless it is a teachable moment.......I plan my attack, my recipes, my shopping, what I am wearing the next day, what errands I am running, lesson plans, vacations, retirement, parties---they are all planned ahead.  I try to be romantic and spontaneous but even that is hard.  I am a woman of tradition and doing it the way my mother, aunts and grandmother did it---SPONTANEOUS PNUEMOTHORAX IS NOT MY TRADITION! AAARRRRGGGGGG  (picture Kermit the Frog yelling that). I like that order, I love that TV shows are on the same time each week,  I love that classrooom "oh  we have to go to lunch at 11:46 feeling"-  there is comfort in knowing ahead. Write it on the list and then cross it off!!
 -  but there is adreneline in being spontaneous...............
maybe spontaneous is a good mixture, maybe this is the universe saying- Well "Miss plan-all-out",  it doesn't always work that way, but maybe I shouldn't hate the spontaneous-  maybe I should take a different route, go out to eat just because, call a friend you haven't in a long time, try not to control and plan it every second. do something that is not on my list........................but maybe,  hhmmmmm, I should look at a different list,  maybe I should get out that bucket list...............

I am not at the spa

Sometimes it is nice to get away.  From work, from laundry, from bills, from it all.  It may just take an evening in the bubble bath with a glass of wine.  Sometimes you can go to the spa at Aveda.  Well I am not at the goddam spa..............I am at the hospital.  Friday 11-11-11 at 11:11am, weighing 111pounds I checked in with slightly deflated left lung.  Talk about deflated, that is how I felt, knowing what is ahead. This is the third time this has happened to me.  Good news bad news...........good news I am educated in my care, bad news  I HAVE NO CONTROL!  someone takes me to the bathroom, helps me shower, makes my dinner, gives me my pills, gives me my breathing treatment in the wrong order and I have to ask for a Coke.  Being fiercely independent this part is a kick in my gut and a lesson in patience.  but what this moment has given me also is a moment to stop and think about when I am so bossy and I control my environment so craftly, how do the other people and kiddos feel when I do?  do I need to give them more choices?  do I need to not do so much?  Thinking about it from the other side..........after a 2 am morphine shot.

The health report...........My left lung has a small leak.  Bubbles are not good when you have a leak in your lung.  I am hooked up to a litlle vacuum on the wall. It goes everywhere I go- I named it Argyle...  It keeps my lung inflated.  But it shows a little bubble.
Bubbles are bad when you are on a vacuum.  I am on IV antibiotics and steriods.  I will be on the mend and strong in a few weeks.  but pray for patience, for me, for Kelly, for my parents...........

watch for the hospital foodie update.....................

When a plan comes together.....

  
Hannibal of the A-team always said,  "I love it when a plan comes together."  That's how I felt after I made chicken artichoke risotto this week.  After a tough week I took the night off and decided I needed some therapy.  That means risotto night.  There is nothing like stirring and thinking, add some more broth, stirring and thinking.  To me risotto is a metaphor for life.  You know going in, it probably will take a while to be just right.  You have to keep working at it, coaxing it, never walking away from it- or it could be ruined. Constantly monitoring and adding things just at the right moment. And then when you think it will never be finished, all of a sudden it is perfect.  You add just the right flavors and wa~la...You sit down and experience joy, and this time, in a bowl. 
     When I sat down in my newly rearranged living room, I said to my self..."Self, you are amazing.  Did you know you were such a good cook?  Pat yourself on the back for this one."  I think we all need to take a moment and remind ourselves we are amazing.  Whether you can create risotto from scratch, deal with death, manage a household, run kids back and forth, work full time, go to school or whatever you do,

YOU ARE AMAZING!

Marg's chicken artichoke risotto recipe

2 quarts chicken stock
2 T unsalted butter
1 T olive oil
1 shallot, finely chopped
1 Cup arborio rice
1 cup dry white wine
Salt and pepper
1 cup cooked chicken
1/2 bag frozen artichokes
Lemon zest
juice from 1/2 lemon
1/2 cup Parmesan cheese
Chopped fresh parsley and thyme

Directions
Bring the stock to a boil and keep hot. In a 3 quart saucepan, combine the butter, olive oil, and shallots and saute over medium low heat until shallots are translucent. Add the rice and toast the rice for approximately 5 minutes, stirring continuously with a wooden spoon. Add the white wine and continue stirring until the wine has evaporated. Add the hot vegetable stock, just enough to barely cover the rice and continue stirring until all the liquid is evaporated. Repeat the above step until the rice is cooked al dente, about 15-30 minutes total cooking time, add salt and pepper to taste. Add chicken, artichokes, lemon juice and zest.  Stir. Add cheese and herbs and a little more broth if needed.  Sit back, eat and tell yourself you are amazing!

summer roll success!

Kelly says they tasted like we were at a restaurant. Fresh and cool.  We made the peanut sauce- wowo! and then dipped the rolls in a combination of peanut sauce, hoisin and rooster chili sauce I think I will name my Asian restaurant Mr. Fong's.
Here is the recipe.  Courtesy of Food Network Magazine- two things I learned- don't skimp on the shrimp and roll them as tight as you can.  0h and don't use broken rice papers...........

Ingredients


For the Sauce:

1/3 cup unsalted peanuts


1 1/2 teaspoons vegetable oil


2 teaspoons red curry paste


2 teaspoons fish sauce


1 tablespoon sugar


1/2 cup unsweetened coconut milk


1/2 cup low-sodium chicken broth


1 tablespoon hoisin sauce


For the Rolls:


Kosher salt


1 tablespoon rice vinegar


2 teaspoons sugar


6 black peppercorns


12 medium shrimp (unpeeled)


1 ounce rice vermicelli


1 cucumber


3 scallions


8 8-inch-round rice paper wrappers


1/2 bunch mint


1/2 bunch basil


1/2 bunch cilantro


4 Boston lettuce leaves, torn

Directions

Make the sauce: Grind the peanuts in a food processor. Heat the vegetable oil in a saucepan over medium heat. Add the curry paste and cook 1 minute. Add the fish sauce and cook 1 more minute. Add the ground peanuts and cook, stirring, about 4 minutes. Sprinkle in the sugar and cook 1 to 2 more minutes. Stir in the coconut milk, chicken broth and hoisin sauce. Reduce the heat to low and simmer until thick, about 20 minutes. Let cool.
Make the rolls: Fill a saucepan with water and season with salt. Add the vinegar, sugar and peppercorns and bring to a boil over high heat. Add the shrimp and simmer until pink, 2 minutes. Drain and run under cold water. Peel the shrimp, then halve lengthwise and devein. Cover and chill.
Cook the rice noodles as the label directs, then drain. Cut the cucumber and scallions into matchsticks and toss with 1 teaspoon salt in a bowl. One at a time, soak a rice paper wrapper in warm water until pliable, 30 seconds, then lay on a cutting board and pat dry. Arrange 3 shrimp halves across the middle of the wrapper; top with some noodles, herbs, cucumber, scallions and lettuce. Fold the bottom of the wrapper over the filling, then fold in the sides and roll up into a tight bundle. Cut in half; serve with the peanut sauce.

Let it wash over me

Summer is a time for lazy days, early walks and salad meals and grilling.  I have not been lazy.  I feel like a hummingbird going from one flower to the next knowing there is a frost coming and I may miss the good juice. I have been too busy. I have had 3 extra people living at my house last week, I taught art class and I have not had time to cook for me.  But summer starts today.  My husband and I are cooking real spring rolls and having a vietnamese feast.  I have never made them but when I eat them they make me happy.  Happy is what I want, I want to slow down and savor.  4th of july is almost here-  Summer is half over, as the teacher point of view.  But that means I just need to make the most of my slow time.  File this, organize this, do this.........sometimes my brain won't shut down.  I need to take a message from Buddha and meditate for a minute.  or take a message from my mother and "tomorrow is another day, Scarlett"  The pile will be there tomorrow1

Sour Chery Poundcake

My sister Amanda brought over some amazing, melt in your mouth, sour sweetness from a tree, sour cherry poundcake.  My husband ate most of it, but the bite I did get- I knew I had to recreate.  Kelly and I had picked cherries a year before and they had been sitting in our freezer.  We are in the cleanout your freezer for summer mode so we found them way in the back.  6 eggs, 3 sticks of butter, a brick of cream cheese and 31/2  cups of sugar later, we have pound cake.  The recipe says to bake for 1 hour and 15 minutes............It was hardly done at that amount of time- so keep it in for at least 10 more minutes.

Credit goes to NPR what to do with sour cherries........... Domonica Marchetti Big Night In: More Than 100 Wonderful Recipes for Feeding Family and Friends Italian Style (Chronicle Books 2008)

Sour Cherry Pound Cake
2 cups fresh sour cherries, pitted and halved
3 cups sugar, plus 1/2 cup for marinating cherries
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 cups (3 sticks) unsalted butter, at room temperature, plus more for pan
6 large eggs, at room temperature
2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
8 ounces mascarpone cheese or sour cream, at room temperature (I used 1 block of cream cheese)
Confectioners' sugar, for dusting
Heat the oven to 325 degrees. Lightly butter and flour a 10-inch Bundt or tube pan and set it aside.
In a small bowl, mix the cherries with 1/2 cup of the sugar. Let the mixture steep while you prepare the batter for the cake. In a medium bowl, mix together the flour and salt. Set aside. Put the butter in the bowl of a standing mixer and beat on medium speed to combine. Add the remaining 3 cups of sugar, a half-cup at a time, and beat at high speed until light and airy, 5 full minutes. Add the eggs, one at a time, beating after each addition and scraping down the sides of the bowl with a rubber spatula as needed. Beat in the vanilla. Change the speed to medium and alternately add the flour and salt mixture and the mascarpone or sour cream, beginning and ending with the flour mixture. Mix until incorporated. Drain the cherries, reserving the syrup that collects in the bowl. With a rubber or silicon spatula, fold the cherries into the batter. Pour the batter into the prepared pan, and shake lightly to even out the top. Bake until cake is golden brown and a cake tester inserted in the cake comes out clean, 1 hour 15 minutes.While the cake is baking, put the reserved cherry syrup in a small saucepan and boil for about 5 minutes, or until slightly thickened. Strain and reserve the liquid.- IMPORTANT.  When the cake is done, place the pan on a cooling rack and cool for 20 minutes. Remove the cake from the pan. While it is still warm, brush the top and sides with the warm cherry syrup. The cake will absorb the syrup. Let the cake cool to room temperature.
To serve, transfer the cake to a decorative platter or cake stand. Dust with confectioners' sugar.

Divine